Sewer germs protest Koran flushings

An open letter to the Editor:

Dear Vladdi,

I and other members of our diverse community wish to denounce in the strongest possible terms the current craze for flushing the Koran down the toilet.

These Islamophobes think they are making a political or religious statement in sending this book into the sewers, but do they realize just what harm they’re doing? Where do they think these soggy, smelly Korans go to? They don’t just harmlessly disappear, I can tell you!

I am a member of a diverse community of single celled organisms who work in the activitated sludge at a sewage treatment plant. Our community is composed of bacteria, amoebae, Spirotrichs, Peritrichs, Vorticellids etc who were all working happily side by side to process human wastes and render them harmless, until all this Koran-flushing business started.

Between us, we microbes can biodegrade any normal pee or poo. But these Korans have got us beat. They are toxic supershi’ite. We’ve never seen crap like it.

What’s worse is the danger of the development of militant cells. As you are no doubt all aware, if the Koran comes into contact with certain low and primitive life-forms it can turn them into virulent killers. I’m afraid this could happen to some members of our previously well-integrated microbial community. I and my fellow protozoans have got more sense than to be affected by this crap, but some of the previously harmless bacteria could turn pathogenic and escape from the sewage treatment plant to cause havoc. That’s why flushing the koran is such a serious hate-crime.

So next time you’re tempted to wipe your bottom with Sura 5:33, spare a thought for all of us at the other end of the sewer. There are alternative environmentally acceptable ways to dispose of unwanted korans. Have you thought of using the pages as beer-mats, or as kitchen towels to absorb the excess fat from your fried bacon?

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7 Responses to “Sewer germs protest Koran flushings”

  1. dajjal Says:

    WTH Unk? its only 21 minutes past 11 pm on the tenth and we are on EDST.

  2. dajjal Says:

    I don’t believe those single celled orgnisms can read. Just flush a fly with the Koran, one wing has the cure on it.

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